They make situations to be with a chick and then HOPE AND PRAY that the girl does what they want her to do because they DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL HER THE RULES AND EXCOMMUNICATE HER IF SHE BREAKS THE RULES! This comes from only working on ONE CHICK at a time and many other basic AFC issues. Again, this is not something to feel bad about, just recognize what is happening to you and learn from it and adapt your behavior to be more efficient and more controlling.
In this case, she ran the ENTIRE show. She changed venues. She added the other guys. She suggested taking you home with her. She followed you to the bar. She decided WHEN she was going to act right. SHE MADE IT ALL HAPPEN! If she had changed her mind at any time, you would NOT have gotten laid. What you are aiming for in studying the materials from the websites and this NG is more control. You want to KNOW you are going to get laid instead of HOPING :) and if you don't KNOW that you are going to get laid, you need the skills to find out how close you are to your desired outcome and WHAT YOU NEED TO DO to get there.
Brace yourself for some constructive criticism :) from mrsex4unyc
>This happened about 5 months ago...
>Got a girl's number and met her for
>lunch, then set up a weekend date.
>Went to dinner, then for a drink.
The setup here is too swift to really tell how IN you were at this point. Basically, by the time she felt like you were "dating", she SHOULD HAVE known she was sexing you sometime before, during or after that date... because you only date women that are sexing you... search the archive if you don't understand this concept.
>At the bar, she strikes up a conversation
>with two guys, mainly talking to one
>of them, who she tells me is gay.
How did this happen? What was her POINT in talking to ANYONE BUT YOU? It seems to me that a "date" is about a man and a woman getting to know EACH OTHER better. She seems to believe that the two of you are HANGING OUT!
>This guy is not talking to us, he's talking
>only to the girl I'm with. I let her have
>her fun and act like I don't care, but
>after it goes on for a while I start to
>get pissed.
At this point in the "date"... YOU ARE A PUSSY! You have let her know that she can waste your time... show attention to other people... exclude you from conversations... I don't believe she UNDERSTANDS what you and she are doing at that place at that time. You went there to spend time TOGETHER. DO NOT LET BITCHES GET AWAY WITH THIS SHIT! The more you let them disrespect you, the more they see you as a PUSSY, the more they WILL disrespect you... and eventually, they will keep you as an LJBF GIRLFRIEND and fuck a REAL MAN when he appears on the scene :)
>I don't want to act jealous.
How would you feel if you were in your bedroom and some guy barged into your house and sat down on your bed and got your remote control and started watching WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTED ON *YOUR* TV with YOU SITTING RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!
Fuck feeling jealous. That shit is a COMPLETE INVASION! Let her know you will not stand for it... or if you want to go totally hardcore... simply walk away when you see behavior like this, saying NOTHING to her. If you have to, walk ALL THE WAY OUT OF THE BAR and drive away. She needs to learn the RULES... she needs to understand the BOUNDARIES of acceptable behavior in order to be with you.
>The thing is, I don't think the guy is gay by the
>way he is interacting with her.
So what if he is or he isn't? The girl is WASTING YOUR TIME by talking to him. She is also disrespecting you. You brought her out to relate to her and she has thrown it in your face.
>I can't tell if she really thinks he's gay or not.
Again... IRRELEVANT. The point is not "is he going to fuck her tonight instead of you". The point is that SHE is not living up to her part of the "dating" bargain. I feel like you didn't give her ANY rules or boundaries before this point. You didn't screen her properly... probably because you would have been glad to go out with her REGARDLESS OF HOW SHE TREATED YOU! As we are seeing in this post :)
>If there wasn't the pretense of
>him being gay, there's no way she would
>have talked to him exclusively for this
>time in the middle of our date.
Oh yeah? HAHAHAHAHA let me tell you something. Chicks KNOW what they want. They will drop you in the MIDDLE of a "date" if they feel like it. What about the girls that you approach and they say they are "going to the bathroom" and never come back? Do you think they FORGOT that they were talking to you? Nope. They DECIDED that talking to another guy or DOING NOTHING is better than talking to you! if she saw a guy that she WANTED TO FUCK, she is going to AT LEAST lay groundwork to get his number and fuck him in the near future, OR she is going to tell you she is tired, take her home... and have the new guy pick her up later and fuck her. Or in the WORST CASE, just leave with him and leave you in the bar looking around for her.
You apparently haven't told her that there are CONSEQUENCES for misbehavior. SEVERE CONSEQUENCES like losing her ability to relate to your personality AT ALL! No more dinners, no more dates, no more phone calls... NOTHING! She doesn't BELIEVE in the consequences of upsetting you or disrespecting you AT ALL!
>Anyway, she tells these guys about the
>next bar we are going to and we all go
>together.
OK... at this point in the "date"... YOU ARE A PUSSY! She OBVIOUSLY doesn't get the fact that you want to spend time with her ALONE! You know why? Because she has been including extras in the "date" and you stood for it. You failed ALL THE TESTS to be a man. What happens when she invites these "guys" over to YOUR HOUSE after the bar? What happens when she said "all four of us should sleep together in one bed tonight?” WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DRAW THE LINE? I say SOONER is better than LATER... in fact, you SHOULD have drawn the line BEFORE THE DATE!
>Just the two of us sit down
>and things are cool for a while.
They are cool because SHE IS DICTATING THE ACTION! This was a prime op for you to let her know how the rest of the date is going to go. If she disagrees, leave her.
>She says she was going to invite me back
>to her place later to smoke. Ok, cool.
Why later? Why not now? Why not go home instead of this bar? Why not come here TOGETHER instead of with the other guys?
>Then, the gay guy shows up and she says
>she will sit in between us. This is
>a loud club and you can only hear what
>the person next to you is saying. She
>starts talking to him again and I talk
>to his friend, who is straight.
What What WHAT????
At this point in the "date"... YOU ARE A PUSSY! NOW she has you talking to some GUY on a "date". How fucked-up is THAT? Are you seeing now how many TESTS she put you through and you FAILED MISERABLY every single one? Don’t feel bad about this because I had to go through this shit and maniac high had to go through this shit and WE ALL went through this shit at one point in our careers. Just RECOGNIZE your behavior and CHANGE IT FAST!
>The friend says he's sorry they're intruding.
HE knows more about what is going on than you do. :)
>I ask if his friend is gay or not and
>he says he thinks he's bi and has had
>girlfriends before.
He is planning on fucking YOUR GIRL! :)
>She is still talking to the guy and
>now I am really pissed and prepared to
>bail out of there. I tap her on the
>shoulder and say "I'll be at the bar.",
>very sternly.
Almost PERFECT... after ALL THAT FUCKING UP, you should have just LEFT and gone to the bar. If she didn't follow you over, your next move is to walk out the door and drive to some other bar and salvage the night talking to other chicks :)
AT LEAST you were stern with her. At least you TOLD HER what was going to happen instead of going along with whatever she said to you. "I'll be at the bar" - this is what I AM GOING TO DO. I am in control. I am a MAN! THIS MAN will be over there. Those guys will be over here... CHOOSE! And if you make the WRONG CHOICE... walk the fuck home or get a ride with your new buddies... oh, and make sure you never call me again. CONSEQUENCES. She could LOSE YOU at any time because of stupid behavior. You have to be prepared to WALK at any time and she HAS TO KNOW THIS.
DISCLAIMER - don't be more hardcore than you really are. Quite a few guys have OVERDONE IT on the badboy shit when it isn't really part of their personalities. It looks dumb and it doesn't work. Figure out how this advice fits the best with YOUR STYLE and use it accordingly.
>She gets a worried face
>and asks how long I'll be there and I
>say I don't know.
Hahaha see that. She KNEW you were EITHER going to pick up another bitch OR leave her entirely. "I don't know" was brilliant. "Until I leave" would have been even harder >:) but I know you weren't even CONSIDERING leaving her there. If you had given her ANY timetable whatsoever, even saying 10 minutes she would have either EXPECTED YOU TO RETURN in 10 minutes OR would have come looking for you at 9:59 and counting :)
>I go to the bar
>and sit down. 60 seconds later she
>is there, hugging me.
She is trying to reel you back in. She FEELS LIKE you are prepared to WALK... even though you were not. Your ACTIONS told her "he is getting tired of this shit... I am about to lose him" she has ALSO initiated Kino. She has also demonstrated to the guy "this is who I plan to go with tonight"
>I'm still not
>sure what's up, because the guy is
>trailing her, that sneaky fuck.
Hold up... hold up... DON'T call him SNEAKY! HE HAS BEEN SARGING YOUR DATE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE ALL NIGHT! He is not SNEAKY at all. He didn't feel like there were any consequences in interrupting your date. The girl probably told him it was all right for him to talk to her because until you WALKED AWAY, SHE was in control of the "date". She added people AT WILL and talked to whoever she CHOSE to talk to. She would have fucked him TOO if she felt like it. He doesn't DESERVE to be called sneaky. He would have tongued her down right in your face if she had gone for it :)
>She orders a drink and starts talking
>to the guy again.
OK... at this point in the "date"... YOU ARE A PUSSY! You still have NO CONTROL over the situation! She decides when to reel you in with a little affection and when to cast you aside to talk to the other guy. She is running the show. You put your foot down ONE TIME and reaped a benefit from it... then gave it away... IMMEDIATELY! You have to TELL THESE CHICKS HOW IT IS GOING TO BE IF THEY WANT TO BE WITH *YOU*!
>The bartender pours
>and says the price, looking at me. I
>don't move to pay for it, so he says it
>again, louder. She is not paying
>attention, so finally the bartender
>YELLS "miss, who is paying for your
>cocktail?" She turns around in shock
>and embarrassment - turns to me and
>says I shouldn't let her get embarrassed
>like that, being her date. I say "AM
>I your date? why didn't your new friend
>pay for it?"
Excellent! :)
I *HOPE* you are implying that she paid for her own drink here.
>She got the message and I was back in control.
You have to TELL THEM what you will NOT stand for! It is their choice to get in line or GET AWAY FROM YOU AND STOP WASTING YOUR TIME!
>I didn't give a fuck at that point, and it showed.
NOW you were thinking about WALKING... she has to perform now to try to reel you in AGAIN so she can get back to talking to the other guy :)
>She grabbed my
>hand and we grinded a bit on the dance
>floor...went back to her place and her
>pants came off...
>
>Alex